GOOD FORM 



CARDS 



THEIR SIGNIFICANCE AND PROPER USES 

AS GOVERNED BY THE USAGES OF 
NEW YORK SOCIETY 



BY THE AUTHOR OF '' SOCIAL ETIQUETTE OF 
NEW YORK " 






^^^Va 




NEW YORK 

FREDERICK A. STOKES & BROTHER 

MDCCCLXXXIX 






Copyright, 1889, 
By FREDERICK A. STOKES & BROTHER. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

VISITING CARDS : THEIR SIGNIFICANCE AND 

STYLE I 

MEN'S CARDS 5 

CARD ETIQUETTE FOR MEN 9 

ACKNOWLEDGING AN INVITATION TO A 

CHURCH WEDDING 11 

AFTER MEN'S ENTERTAINMENTS 12 

CARDS DECLINING TO CALL IN THE AFTER- 
NOON 13 

MEN'S VISITS TO EACH OTHER BY CARD 14 

CARDS OF SYMPATHY 16 

CALLING UPON A GUEST IN TOWN 18 

WOMEN'S VISITING CARDS 20 

YOUNG WOMEN'S CARDS 24 

INFANTS' CARDS 27 

CARDS OF WIDOWS 28 

AFTER-MARRIAGE VISITING CARDS 29 

CARDS OF NEW ACQUAINTANCE 31 

CARDS OF WOMEN FOR, AND AT, AFTERNOON 

TEAS AND RECEPTIONS 33 



IV CONTENTS, 

PAGE 

CALLING CARDS AND THEIR PRESENT USAGES 37 
CARD ETIQUETTE FOR WOMEN INVITED TO 

WEDDINGS IN CHURCH 41 

CARDS OF INTRODUCTION FOR MEN AND 

WOMEN 42 

CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS RECEPTIONS 44 

ETIQUETTE OF WEDDING CARDS 48 

DINNER CARDS OF INVITATION 56 

CARDS FOR BALLS 60 

LUNCHEON INVITATIONS 61 

GOLDEN-WEDDING INVITATIONS 63 

DIRECTING CARDS , . . . 65 



I 



GOOD FORM 



CARDS 



VISITING CARDS: THEIR SIGNIFICANCE 
AND STYLE. 

Whenever personal interviews are difficult or im- 
possible to arrange, cards are the most convenient and 
direct means of social intercommunication. Their 
correct style and appropriate uses are a recommenda- 
tion for a stranger, while an inelegant card, or an 
untimely or mistaken employment of it, is hostile to a 
chance of friendship between such as have little or no 
knowledge of each other. Indeed, an unrefined card, 
or a misuse of one, is a trial to the tempers of most 
persons with cultivated tastes, even though its bearer 
possesses recognized virtues. 

Its appearance and its appropriateness to the occa- 
sion testify to its bearer's or receiver's familiarity or 
unfamiliarity with approved usages, though its inel- 
egance may be in defiance of them. Whether it is 
ignorance, or an intentional neglect of accepted eti- 
quette, the result is unfortunate. 

I 



2 GOOD FORM. 

Its tint, texture and engraving are also witnesses to 
its owner's habits or to his knowledge of the most 
approved customs in the social world, which evidence 
is seldom untrustworthy. 

If it were not that a presentation of a visiting card 
conveyed more information regarding unknown per- 
sons, habitual associations, also their measure of social 
culture, than their clothing and manners, less emphasis 
would be placed upon the value of its style and usage. 
Raiment may be a local or a transitory fashion, and 
manners a momentary, rather than a customary grace 
and graciousness, while a visiting card, though a trifle 
in itself, is seldom other than personal and character- 
istic. 

A conformity to what ma}^ be called the timely uses 
of cards, indicates a delicate considerateness of such 
customs as the best society has approved and adopted. 
Their appearance, added to their reasonableness, is 
an announcement to modern society not unlike that 
which was conveyed by a ring in ancient times. Its 
bearer was then at once recognized and placed above 
or below the salt at a nobleman's banquet. To-day 
the card may not seat its bearer where he w^ould like 
to be placed, but its misuse, or its ill appearance, is 
likely to deprive him of an opportunity to secure what 
he desires. 

The significance of a card, and especially its conven- 
ience, is not unconsidered and unappreciated by very 
busy men and women. It is a communication in 



VJSJTING CARDS. 3 

cipher, expressing a pleasure or a sorrow of one's own, 
or a quick human sympathy with the griefs or gladness 
of others. Its fitness to the occasion is not only a 
touching congratulation, or a tender condolence, but, 
as has been intimated, its fashioning, and the hour of its 
presentation, are an explanation of much of its owner's 
individuality. Its simple and elegant lettering or its 
showy, eccentric, or in any wise peculiar engraving, 
an exaggerated or diminutive size, a fanciful hue, or 
an ornamental ink, brings with it to a fastidious 
stranger, a satisfaction or an unpleasant repelling sen- 
sation that it is difficult if not impossible to forget. 

Society may be frivolous or inconsiderate in many 
things, but underlying its vanities there are strata 
which have an excellent reason for being, and the 
etiquette of cards is one of them. A written name 
implies that its bearers formal cards are temporarily 
exhausted, or are beyond reach, and if neatly and 
plainly inscribed, it is acceptable ; but an engravedy^^r- 
simile upon a visiting card is an evidence of its owner's 
egotism or conceit, and it bars the way to the best 
social recognitions, unless he or she has strong forces 
outside of themselves to aid them in making desirable 
acquaintances. Such an intrusion of personality as 
one's own fashion in penmanship made permanent by 
engraving, is decidedly offensive to those who have 
reserved natures and exclusive social positions. Ap- 
parent egotisms are incompatible with perfect breed- 
ing. 



GOOD FORM. 



A correct card is white, but not intensely white. 
It is fine in texture, not too heavy, or stiff, and in size 
it follows a prevailing mode. An exaggeration of the 
usual shape is bad form. 



MEN'S CARDS. 

The visiting cards of men are slightly shorter and 
much narrower than those at present approved for 
women, because upon the latter informal announce- 
ments are sometimes to be written, and upon a man's 
card none are likely to be required. The latter is 
engraved in slightly larger text than the former, and is a 
plain script without flourishes or ornamentation of any 
kind. Certain occupations, or rather professions, may 
properly be denoted upon a man's card. It should 
indicate his rank in the army or navy, and should be 
engraved in full before his surname, or in abbrevia- 
tion with his complete name, and changed with his 
promotions ; otherwise it might not only be inconven- 
ient but very embarrassing to those who make presen- 
tations to him, and also to a host when placing him at 
dinners and elsewhere. 

The cards of such persons should be engraved 
thus: 



GOOD FORM, 



Gcnef'al Feeble, 



Gen, John Gore Feeble. 



10 1 Fifth Avenue 



MEN'S CARDS, 



Col, H. D, Williams, 



2 Kilboni Street. 



Col, Henry D it son Williams, 



2 Kit bom Street. 



8 GOOD FORM. 

It is approved st}'le to engrave the titles of scholars 
and professional men, except Rev. before that of a 
clerg}*man, after the name. For example, Dr. as a 
prefix means many things. It may imply a compli- 
mentary or an earned rank. Indeed its significance is 
so varied that an abbreviated explanation following 
the name, such as m.d., d.d.s., ll.d., is least assuming 
and a more direct announcement of fact. 

For social purposes it is quite as delicate and more 
fashionable to omit lettering indicating occupations, 
altogether. 

All honorary titles, militia, political and judiciary, 
are strictly omitted from visiting cards, although it is 
not courteous or customar\^ to drop them when ad- 
dressing their owners by speech or in writing. 

Where there is no indication of a title by a prefix or 
followinor an enoraved name, the use of Mr. is inva- 
liable. If however he is compelled by any exigency 
to write his name upon a card, he omits Mr. and 
inscribes upon it his usual signature. 

When his card is engraved, his address is placed 
upon the lower right-hand comer. If he is a bachelor 
and belongs to a club, the name of the latter may also 
be engraved, or be written upon the lower left-hand 
comer. If he lives wholly at a club, this residence is 
engraved in the right-hand comer of his card. 



CARD ETIQUETTE FOR MEN. 

Not very long ago it would have been an impro- 
priety, if not a rudeness, for a man to send a visiting 
card by post, except it were one with a bordering of 
black, which announced that its sender was tempo- 
rarily neither visiting nor receiving. A change of usage 
became necessary because what is known as society is 
now so extended by members, and its obligations are 
so greatly enlarged, that facilities for meeting them 
become a necessity ; therefore, etiquette consented that 
many social ceremonials be properly, though less ele- 
gantly, transacted by mail. 

After-dinner calls by cards, calls of condolence, and 
a card after a first hospitality, whether the latter was 
accepted or declined, no matter how simple or informal 
such a courtesy was, must be left in person. If per- 
sonal card-leaving is an impossibility, cards must be 
by messenger, with explanation by note. 

Such calls of ceremony are obligatory within a week, 
and the earlier they are made the greater the respect 
expressed by the card or the visit. 

9 



lO GOOD FORM. 

Of course if the hostess has an " at home " day, 
and has indicated it upon her card of invitation or has 
mentioned it, it is imperative that he does not try to 
see her until that time. He may, and if she be 
entiiled to especial respect, he should, call earlier at 
her door, to inquire for her health. He leaves his card 
with the attendant, but should not ask to see her. He 
cannot leave a card for her dau2:hter or for anv vounj: 
unmarried woman in the house ; but it is good form to 
leave one for the host, proWded the latters name was 
upon the invitation received, and not otherwise. 

When he calls and sees his hostess but not the head 
of the house, he should leave a card for the latter on 
the hall table, or with a servant at the door. \Mien 
for any especial reason, such as the presence of an 
honored guest in the house, many persons are calling 
at the same time, it is considerate to leave a card for 
both the hostess and her friend, as an assistance to 
the memory of those receiving. 

On ordinary occasions, after the first call, leaving a 
card is an excess of formality and not in good form, if 
a hostess is at home. 



ACKNOWLEDGING AN INVITATION TO A 
CHURCH WEDDING. 

When a man is invited to a church wedding and 
cannot attend, he must send his card or cards in an 
envelope directed to those who invited him. If the 
invitation was issued in two names, he responds to both 
names upon the envelope in which he sends two cards 
by mail or by messenger on the day of the marriage. 

If he is at the church, he leaves or sends his card or 
cards within a week, addressed to those v/ho invited 
him. If they are strangers to him, and invited him 
because he is a friend to the groom, cards, and by no 
means a call, should be a response. To do more than 
this might be considered an intrusion. 



II 



AFTER MEN^S ENTERTAINMENTS. 

When a man entertains in a formal manner, each 
man invited, whether present or not, calls in person, 
leaves a card, or sends one by post, or writes a note of 
thanks within a week. This civility is obligatory. 
To omit it is not only an ingratitude, but such negli- 
gence of a customary courtesy may be understood to 
mean that he who fails of such politeness is ignorant 
of good form or is contemptuous of the customs pre- 
vailing in well-bred circles. If it is known that he is 
familiar with established etiquette and fails to re- 
spect it, he is pronounced insolent and is not likely 
to be invited again. 



12 



CARDS DECLINING TO CALL IN THE 
AFTERNOON. 

A MAN cannot leave his card upon a lady even after 
a pleasant acquaintance with her at parties and else- 
where, unless she has intimated that he may ; and 
only married or elderly women in well-bred circles are 
likely to say, " I am at home on such or such days 
between four and six.'^ 

When it is said, it is equivalent to a formal invita- 
tion, which cannot, in courtesy, be ignored. A man 
may feel compelled to reply that his occupations are 
pressing and that visits in the afternoon are quite 
impossible, and he will express a regret at declining. 
Instead of a call at the time mentioned, he should 
send his card by messenger on her first " at home 
day '' during her receiving hours. If her husband is 
an elderly man, or is an invalid, he directs the envel- 
ope to both, and encloses two cards. 



13 



MEN'S VISITS TO EACH OTHER BY CARD. 

Very little card-leaving is in vogue between men, 
but certain ceremonials cannot be omitted, especially 
if the acquaintance is a recent one. Of course, if a 
man is not at home a card is left for him by a visitor. 
If there has been a change of residence a card an- 
nouncing it is left at the door, or is sent by mail. 

Men who have been introduced to each other and 
expressed cordiality, or who have a common interest in 
each other's pursuits, have less difficult and formal 
methods of becoming known to each other than 
women. 

A social equality recognized by both, a literary, 
artistic, or other achievement of either one or both, 
makes a call from one or the other not only possible, 
but natural, without an introduction, provided, of 
course, it is made when he who receives it is known 
to be habitually accessible to visitors. The caller, 
with or without an explanatory word regarding him- 
self written upon it, may send in his card. If his 
visit is refused, it is obligatory on the part of the one 

14 



MEN'S VISITS TO EACH OTHER BY CARD. 1 5 

declining the visit to return a civil or kindly reason 
therefor, or appoint another occasion for a more timely 
call. Men seldom have as many, or as petty, excuses 
for declining an acquaintance as women ; therefore for 
a man to refuse to see one of his own sex is rare, 
and such declination must have been reasonable. 
Hence there is seldom an unpleasant feeling left in 
the mind of the one whose presence has been refused. 
Of course, an acquaintance may be desired by but 
one of the two men, in which case he who is visited 
may politely decline to see a stranger, or having ad- 
mitted him, the call may be returned by a card en- 
closed in an envelope and sent by post. Of course, 
so ceremonious a return of a visit terminates all 
chance of an acquaintance that may have been op- 
posed solely because of an over-busy life or perhaps 
an excess of visitors, which has become a burden to 
an occupied, but courteous person. 



CARDS OF SYMPATHY. 

An unmarried man who has no near kinswoman to 
perform certain social duties that are obligatory in 
good society, is sometimes too negligent of them, and 
he wonders why it is he is so little regarded by those 
whom he really likes. If he would be made to under- 
stand that it is by small and prompt attentions which are 
spontaneously offered, more than by large displays of 
costly remembrances that friendship is won and re- 
tained, he might become more considerate. If an 
acquaintance is in sorrow, an immediate personal 
inquiry should be made, or a card should be sent by 
messenger. If distance makes this impracticable, then 
a card by the first post, touches hearts that do not for- 
get if they have been showm sympathy w^hen in grief 
or misfortune. 

A card with congratulation wTitten upon it, is sent to 
the father of the newdy born, and to one whose engage- 
ment is just announced ; also to the betrothed woman 
if she happens to be a friend, or a familiar acquaint- 
i6 



CARDS OF SYMPA THY, 1 7 

ance. Perhaps it is only a parent of a bride to be who 
is the friend, in which case " best wishes " may be writ- 
ten upon cards that are left or sent in an envelope, and 
addressed to both father and mother. 



CALLING UPON A GUEST IN TOWN. 

When a man calls upon a woman who is a visitor in 
a family that is unknown to him, he must ask to see 
both hostess and guest, and send in a card for each. 
If his acquaintance is a young unmarried woman, it is 
obligatory upon the lady of the house to see the caller 
and remain with her. If the latter is not a young girl, 
the hostess need not come down imtil later, or, if declin- 
ing to see the caller, she will, if a gentlewoman, send 
a kindly message with her refusal, and no man has a 
right to feel slighted. 

A presentation to the hostess of his friend does not 
give him the privilege of a future acquaintance with 
her, or even a recognition from her, unless he is asked 
to call again, or is invited to partake of a hos- 
pitalit}\ Whether he accepts or does not accept her 
invitation he must make a call upon her. If 
this attention is impossible before the departure of 
her guest, he can only leave a card at the door, except 
he has been distinctly invited by the host or hostess to 
continue an acquaintance. To call in his friend's 

i8 



CALLING UPON A GUEST IN TOWN I9 

absence without having been bidden to do so would be 
indelicate, and he might be suspected of that social 
crime, " pushing,'' but leaving his card is onl}' a recog- 
nition of proffered or accepted hospitality. 

He may prefer to terminate an acquaintance with 
his friend's hosts at once ; but he cannot be discourte- 
ous to those who have entertained her, and proffered 
hospitality to him, because the motto of a thorough-bred 
man or woman is noblesse oblige, A card must be left, 
and left in person, and he must also make kindly inqui- 
ries regarding the health of his friend's late host and 
hostess. More than this he need not do, and less he 
cannot. 



WOMEN'S VISITING CARDS. 

Moderately large, nearly square, fine in their tex- 
ture, thin, but not too flexible, and of a soft delicate 
white that is not intense in its clearness, are the pre- 
vailing characteristics of material for the visiting cards 
of women who respect good form. 

Its engraving is script, not large, nor yet small, 
distinct, and with no ornamentation. 

Usually a daughter's card is slightly smaller than 
that of her mother, but its style of lettering is the 
same. This diminution of form is, however, a matter 
of individual taste rather than an emphasized fash- 
ion. 

It is imperative that Mrs. or Miss be placed before 
the name upon her engraved card. It is customary to 
use the husband's complete name, initials being less 
and less often seen upon visiting cards as the years go 
by. Except when a complete name is too large to be 
properly engraved upon a card of customary size, good 
taste omits initials and uses baptismal names. 

The distinguishing convenience of an entire name 
20 



WOMEN'S VISITING CARDS. 21 

upon a card, except when the last one is uncommon, 
is very soon recognized in a city, and sometimes also 
in towns, if there are many family connections. 

The oldest married woman in the oldest branch of 
the family may, if she chooses, omit baptismal names 
from her card, thus : 



Mrs, Jamison^ 



10 Elmwood Avenue. 



She, and she only, is entitled to this dignity and 
simplicity of form. 

Unless a woman is elderly, she usually prefers the 
prefix of her husband's full name for all ceremonious 
or social intercommunications, or, at least, she prefers 
some part or parts of it. Since society is so extended 
and complex in its interests, an establishment of card 



22 GOOD FORM, 

usages, and the possession of an unmistakable name 
and an engraved address, are an immense convenience 
to overburdened memories. There is small chance 
of a social blunder being made with a card engraved 
thus : 



Mrs. John Herbert Jamison^ 



Tuesdays, 1 5 Porter Place, 



A city or town is not added except in ink, and then 
only for use while away from home. 

If a woman wishes to receive in a more formal 
manner than by a weekly " at home," or if she has a 
guest whom she wishes to introduce to her coterie of 
acquaintances, she may, for example, write the words 
From three to six above Tuesday^ and the v^ords Jan. 
\oih beneath Tuesday, 



WOMEN'S VISITING CARDS, 23 

To shorten her season of receiving, it is etiquette to 
write under the engraved at home day, Until Le?if, 
or she may limit the time to any date she pleases. 
Plates to be used year after year are properly 
engraved with the receiving month or months beneath 
the day of the week. This permits a pen to be drawn 
through the month not devoted to visitors. In the 
extension of social circles, women in New York are 
beginning to adopt the London and Paris custom of 
using cards with, for example. 

First Tuesdays in 
January, Febrttary and March, 

on their left lower corner. 

Such cards provide for absence from home and are 
most simple and convenient. 



YOUNG WOMEN'S CARDS. 

During a girFs first season in society her name is 
engraved upon her mother's card, as she has none of 
her own. She is appended as Miss Jamison^ provided 
she is the eldest unmarried daughter of the eldest 
branch of her father's family, otherwise her full bap- 
tismal name is given with the prefix of Miss. Until 
she has been out one or two years it is not considered 
good form for her to pay or to make calls without her 
mother, therefore she requires no individual card. 
The mother's day and address, of course, serve for 
both. 

In a family where there are unmarried aunts and 
cousins bearing the father's name, only one of all of 
them, and she the eldest unwed daughter of the eldest 
man, is entitled to the honor of using a card with Miss 
Jamison engraved upon it, although she may be the 
youngest girl by that name. By line of inheritance, 
she can, in justice, claim it. 

When a second or third, or any succeeding daughter 
enters society, her name is added to her mother's card, 

24 



YOUNG WOMEN'S CARDS, 25 

and the sister preceding her has an individual one, 
but she uses also her mother's card when calling cere- 
moniously. 

When two daughters enter society nearly together, it 
is customary for them to be mentioned upon their 
mother's card, thus : 



Mrs, John Herbert Jamison^ 
The Misses Jamison, 



Tuesdays. lO Porter Place. 



Of course this is customary only when they have a 
recognized right to such distinction. 

If this honor belongs to a collateral branch, the full 
name of each daughter is engraved, the eldest, of 
course, preceding her sister. 

When a mother has a receiving day mentioned upon 



26 GOOD FORM. 

her card, her daughters at home, if unmarried, can use 
none upon theirs, nor can they appoint one formally in 
any manner, if their mother does not. It would not 
be respectful. 

Until a girl is in society she makes visits within 
the family circle only, or with intimate family friends, 
and a card for her is needless. 



INFANTS' CARDS. 

It is a recent and widening custom to announce the 
birth of a child by sending out a small card with its 
baptismal name in full upon it, also the date of its 
birth in the lower left-hand corner. It is enclosed in 
an envelope with its mother's card, the latter, of 
course, intimating that she is ready to receive visits of 
congratulation. A babe is the only untitled person 
whom etiquette permits a card that has not Mr., 
Mrs. or Miss upon it. 

If visits are not possible, a card with Congratulation 
written upon the upper left corner is at once sent, 
addressed to the mother, promptness signifying a gen- 
uine sympathy with the happy parent. Those who are 
intimate send not only a card, but flowers, or a simple 
gift to the infant. 



27 



CARDS OF WIDOWS. 

If she chooses, a widow may, for social purposes 
only, continue to use the name she bore as a wife, 
custom permitting this usage simply because it is pain- 
ful to erase a name that was given to a woman by one 
who is gone but is not forgotten. Etiquette overlooks 
such liberty, unless the widow has a married 
son who bears the same name as his father did, in 
which case he is no longer a junior, and the card that 
his mother prefers to keep, by right belongs to his 
wife. In such an instance the elder woman adds Sr. 
to her engraved name. If there are two widows hav- 
ing the same card, or claiming it, the younger one 
relieves the elder of an explanatory abbreviation by 
courteously adding y;-. to her own. 



28 



AFTER-MARRIAGE VISITING CARDS. 

For use during the first year after marriage, it is 
proper, but not de rigueur^ that a visiting card be 
engraved thus: 



Mr. and Mrs. John Herbert Jamison^ 



Tuesdays, 15 Porter Place. 

29 



30 GOOD FORM, 

A reason for this is that it is supposed that all first 
after-marriage calls are returned by husband and wife 
together. Of course each has his and her individual 
card for other purposes, but a combined one, even 
though it is to be used by the wife alone, is understood 
to signify that the visiting convenances of the first year 
of wedlock are respected. 

Afterwards, when the wife attends to her husband's 
social duties, as most wives must, this card is not used ; 
but it is an appropriate and convenient one to send 
with wedding and other gifts that are presented by 
both. It is also in good form when making inquiries 
for the sick; it is a fitting messenger to afflicted 
acquaintances with whom one is not sufficiently inti- 
mate to write a note, or to whom one is not entitled 
to send flowers. It may be left or sent by either, or be 
carried by both, as a condolence or congratulation. 

Whenever it is impossible for a newly made husband 
to return first calls during the formal receiving hours 
of his own or his wife's friends and acquaintances, this 
combined card, if left in person by the wife, is ac- 
cepted as a returned call ; but it is not a custom to use 
it for ceremonious calls, after the first bridal round of 
visits is completed. 



CARDS OF NEW ACQUAINTANCE. 

An unmistakably older woman, an invalid, or one 
who is professionally occupied with literary or artistic 
work, or one who is recognized as an active philanthro- 
pist, may send her card to a younger or less occupied 
woman, if, having been introduced to her, she wishes 
to meet her again. The latter responds in person 
within ten days. If the sender of the card has an " at 
home " day and it is indicated by the card, this date is 
the only one on which a first call can properly be 
made. 

Two women must indeed be very friendly, in fact, 
intimate, if they call upon each other at another time 
than on a receiving day when there is one. 

If the receiver of a first card cannot increase the 
number of her acquaintances, or the sender is an 
undesirable person to know, or social attractions have 
not been mutual, a card may be sent or left in return 
at the first proper moment, and no personal visit need 
be made. Many a woman with a long visiting list, 
or one who is habitually busy, looks upon an added 

31 



32 GOOD FORM. 

acquaintance as an increase of social burdens that are 
already beyond proper management. 

Such refusals to establish a visiting acquaintance 
are sure to be softened in some kindly and well-bred 
manner. The reason may be so frankly explained, or 
at least some one of several reasons, the tenderest, of 
course, being selected, and the courtesy of the explana- 
tion so genuine, that the pain of the denial is charmed 
away. A real regret always underlies a necessarily 
inflicted wound, and the one who is hurt recognizes it, 
if at all delicate of feeling, or sensitive to unexpressed 
reasons. 



CARDS OF WOMEN FOR, AND AT, AFTER- 
NOON TEAS AND RECEPTIONS. 

An afternoon tea cancels many small obligations and 
opens a not very difficult way by which kindly re- 
sponses may be made to overtures for a more intimate 
acquaintance that must be denied. Cards for a simple 
afternoon tea should be sent a week or ten days in 
advance of the date upon them. A visiting card is 
used, and words such as Tea at four are engraved or 
written over the fixed day or under the name, and the 
date in the month, thus, Jan, loth, is written or en- 
graved beneath the day of the week. 

Tea cards may be sent by post or by messenger, 
according to convenience, and they require no reply. 
This sort of tea is only an opportunity for one's ac- 
quaintances to pay a visit to the hostess en masse, 
and such hospitality is counted as a call made upon 
each guest and the reverse. Those who cannot be 
present send their cards on this afternoon, and thus 
they also have cancelled a social debt. 

Those who are present, both men and women, leave 



34 GOOD FORM. 

their cards in the hall or place them in the hand of a 
servant who announces them. 

A circle may be so large that two or three teas are 
given to divisions of acquaintances and friends, and 
a clever hostess is she who knows how to arrange this 
discreetly. 

It may not be amiss to mention that a kindly guest, 
and certainly a well-bred one, will not make such group- 
ings a distress to her entertainer. The latter cannot 
always know the private likes, and the small personal 
aversions of her acquaintances. To do a right thing 
wrong is an unpleasant blunder. 

If invited men cannot be present at an afternoon re- 
ception, and few can, a wife, sister, mother, or some 
kinswoman may leave their cards for them as she goes 
out. If there is no announcing by name, she may 
leave them in the hall with her own card as she enters ; 
but the ceremonial of having a man mention each 
guest^s name as she enters a drawing-room, is becom- 
ing more and more common. If a man has no recog- 
nized relative who has the care of his visiting obliga- 
tions, he sends a card by post or messenger on the 
afternoon of the receiving day. 

If the host receives with the hostess, or even if the 
invitation included his name, and he does not receive, 
an invited man sends two cards, but if he is present, 
he leaves but one, a second deposited card being a 
lately renounced foolishness. 

There may be a daughter's name upon the hostess' 



CARDS FOR TEAS AND RECEPTIONS. 35 

card of invitation, but it has no recognition by the 
cards of guests, if she be a young girl. If she is 
unmistakably past her youth, it is courteous to post, 
or to leave, a man's card for her also. 

When an entertainer invites friends to assist her in 
receiving, it is customary for the hostess to propose to 
those who are to thus assist her that she be permitted 
to invite, also, a few of the acquaintances of the 
latter. If tais suggestion is an agreeable one, the vis- 
iting card oi each assistant is placed in the hostess' 
envelope and sent out. These guests are presented to 
the hostess, a are announced, and cordially welcomed, 
and the etiquette of leaving their cards, or of sending 
them, if the invitation cannot be accepted, is just the 
same as if tiey were friends of the hostess. This 
ceremonial cemands no after courtesy, or recognition 
of social incebtedness to their entertainer. The call 
or the sending of cards under such circumstances is 
an attention due only to the one who assists at the 
tea. 

If a mutual regard is recognized at this introduction, 
mutual requests for a continuance of an acquaintance 
are an eas} and natural matter that settles itself. No 
one is wouided if there is no recognizable fitness in a 
continued knowledge of each other. 

Usually of course, those who are to receive with an 
entertainer try to select for invitations such of their 
friends as are likely to be sympathetic, — persons whom 
they hofe she will be pleased to add to her list of 



36 



GOOD FORM. 



visitors ; but of such a result no one can be assured, so 
subtle and so blindly instinctive, as well as so unreason- 
ing, are likes and dislikes. It is foolish, while the world 
is so full of all sorts of people, for any one to waste his 
or her moral, and perhaps vital, energies in striving to 
overcome a distaste for the personality of a stranger, 
who, most likely, has no need of her, and doubtless 
feels a similar distaste. It may be a feeble repulsion 
that one woman has, but if it is thorough enough to be 
an unmistakable or positive sensation, it is more than 
likely that the other one would feel the sarre if she were 
not too much absorbed to be conscious of it at the 
moment. Such instinctive oppositions may* afterwards 
be effaced, and perhaps be forgotten if they were 
vague, but in large and constantly widening circles of 
society they may as well serve as protectors against 
ponderous visiting lists. I 



CALLING CARDS AND THEIR PRESENT 
USAGES. 

There was a time when a card was folded over at 
the right side, and left with a servant to assure the 
one called upon that it was brought in person. Such 
cards of others as came by the same hand, and 
whose senders were supposed to be unable to call, 
were not folded over. The left side of each of the 
cards was then folded over to signify that each person 
in the family was included in this attention. This 
custom, happily, has fallen into disuse, except one is 
leaving cards upon some elderly person, and wishes to 
be deferential to such as cling to the usages that pre- 
vailed in their prime. It had serious inconveniences, 
because, in order to make clear such a pantomime of 
cards, they were much crumpled, and became far from 
elegant in appearance, even though, according to a 
prevailing usage, they were orderly in their wrinkles. 

Afterward there was a time — but happily a brief one 
— when it was held to be en regie for a woman caller to 
leave a card for herself upon each one of her sex 

37 



38 GOOD FORM, 

whom she visited in the family. If she was married, 
she left her husband's cards also, and perhaps, also, the 
cards of other male relatives, upon each of the same 
women, and also upon every man in the house, even 
if there were half a score of sons and nephews. It 
was fortunate for those times (though the same custom 
still prevails in certain localities) that etiquette did 
not demand* that cards should also be left upon young 
unmarried women, else would the accumulation of 
Bristol board, also the quantities to be carried about 
from house to house, have been more absurdly ex- 
aggerated than they were. 

Preposterous as w^as this short-lived fashion, it re- 
mained in vogue long enough for its remembrance to 
perplex many persons who are not habitually in society, 
but who wish to be correct, and are bewildered by mem- 
ories of what was once called the etiquette of cards. 
Happily, the brief custom of invading or showering 
a house with visiting cards has been relegated to that 
mysterious place where our dropped follies sleep. It 
is hoped that this place of storage is not overcrowded. 
It needs much spaciousness, because there are other 
follies of custom, not mentionable at present, that will 
doubtless be retired to it before the end of this century. 

It is the present vogue in good society, and most 
likely it is permanent etiquette, for a lady who calls 
and does not see the one whom she had hoped to find 
at home, simply to leave her card. If it is at a hotel, 
she pencils, for example : 



CALLING CARDS. 39 

For 

Mrs, James Henry BrowUy 

on the upper left-hand corner of the front of her card. 
If Mrs. Brown is at a private residence, an unmarked 
card is left for her with the servant. It is not good 
form to leave a card when calling upon a resident ex- 
cept there has been a change of address, provided the 
visitor sees the person for whom the call is intended. 
Sometimes, if the attendant is new to the place and does 
not seem to be quick of comprehension, and the call 
is not on " at home '' day, it may be discreet to send 
in a card. If the person called upon is engaged or 
out, the caller leaves her own card and two of her hus- 
band's, one for the mistress and one for the master of 
the house. If she sees the mistress, and there is 
no reason for reminding her by a card that they have 
met, she leaves only the cards of her husband, father 
or brothers, according to her setting in life. 

This formality is due once at the beginning of each 
season, except after a formal entertainment, when, as 
has been explained, the cards of men who were guests, 
or who declined invitations to be such, are left at an 
early date. 

Exceptional reasons only excuse unmarried sons 
from doing their own card duties. When this is im- 
possible, their cards are left at the same time as their 
father's and by the same hands. In London after- 
dinner cards are left next day. This alacrity is said to 



40 GOOD FORM. 

be prompted by a kindly desire to ask after the health 
of a hostess, who, presumably, has fatigued herself in 
an unselfish desire to give pleasure to her guests. 
Cards of the entire family are sent by post after a 
change of residence, also after returning from a pro- 
longed absence in Europe or elsewhere. After an 
ordinary summer away, this ceremony is properly 
omitted, except by young society men, who are ex- 
pected to leave cards or call as soon as they are back in 
town, or as early as their friends have returned home 
again. When leaving for a long absence, and there is 
no leisure for paying congi visits, cards with /. /. c, 
written in their lower left-hand corners are sent by post. 
This is an imperative custom. It is usual also when 
leaving a summer or winter resort. It is a recognition 
of courtesies, and it furnishes an opportunity for leav- 
ing one^s address. It also spares one a formal leave- 
taking. It is equivalent to saying, " If you choose to 
remember me, when we meet again we can take up 
agreeable associations without that formality which is 
necessary between those who but lately were strangers 
to each other." This is all that p, p, c, means when 
written on cards left for guests one has met only at 
hotels or after an agreeable cavtaraderie of travel. 



CARD ETIQUETTE FOR WOMEN INVITED 
TO WEDDINGS IN CHURCH. 

The sending of cards, if one is invited to the church 
only, also of after-cards when one has been present at 
the house, or when invited to the house and unable to 
accept, is the same for women as for men, for which 
see ** Men's Card Etiquette.'' 



41 



CARDS OF INTRODUCTION FOR MEN AND 
WOMEN. 

A CARD with the name of its bearer written above 
that of the giver, prefixed by the word Introducing^ 
is good form. This card is placed in an envelope ad- 
dressed to the person to whom the introduction is 
made. On the lower left corner of the envelope is writ- 
ten, Introducing Mr, or Mrs, , with full name. 

This is left unsealed, and when presented or forwarded 
by post, the introduced person encloses his or her 
card, with present, also permanent, address written 
or engraved upon it. If the introduction is intended 
as a friendly one for both persons, a note of explana- 
tion may be sent by the person who introduces to the 
one to whom the presentation is made, which prepara- 
tion is as discreet as it is courteous and kind, in most 
instances. Sometimes a card of introduction is asked 
of one who gives it reluctantly, and has not the cour- 
age to mention his or her unwillingness. Of course a 
person with delicate sensibilities or fine breeding will 
never ask for a presentation to another by note or 

42 



CARDS OF INTRODUCTION. 43 

card, but will leave this kindness to the impulses of the 
person who is able, but perhaps disinclined, to give it. 
Of course the latter is easily made aware of an oppor- 
tunity to make two persons acquainted by card, and 
therefore such introductions should always be volun- 
tary. If between friend and friend, the bearer of a 
card really asks for a hospitality that oftener than not 
IS a courtesy for the one who sends the card, and not 
at all for the bearer of it. To present such a card is too 
often an implied request for attentions or hospitalities 
that cannot easily be refused, however untimely the 
demand may be. 

A former free and easy, if not mdiscriminate, habit 
of giving, and indeed of asking for, cards and letters 
of introduction, has fallen into disrepute, and very 
properly. 

If there is a reasonable expectation of mutual bene- 
fit or pleasure, there need be no hesitation in offering a 
card that shall make two persons acquainted ; because 
in the give-and-take of society, if a blunder or mis- 
judgment has been made by the person attempting to 
bring two people into a liking for each other, there 
are many not discourteous ways for an early conclusion 
of all knowledge of each other. 



CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS RECEPTIONS. 

When a miisicale, high tea, or a party is given to or 
for distinguished persons, whether in the afternoon or 
evening, it is customary to send out cards engraved 
especially for this occasion, a visiting card not being 
sufficiently formal or complimentary. If it be a must- 
cale^ the word Music is usually engraved in the lower 
left-hand corner of an invitation, and the following is 
an approved form if it be in the afternoon. IE in the 
evening, the invitation is issued by both husband and 
wife. 



Mrs, Joh7t Herbert Jamison 
At Home, 

Tuesday^ January tenths fro?n 
four to seven d^ clock. 

Music. 10 Porter Place, 



44 



CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS RECEPTIONS, 45 

The word Music is omitted when there is to be an 
afternoon dance, and Dancing is substituted. This ex- 
planation is preparatory, and should for obvious 
reasons be included. It is not bad form to omit the 
word Music even when it is to be provided, a pleasant 
surprise adding much to the success of an entertain- 
ment. 

If a reception of ceremony is given in honor of 
another, an engraved card has two approved forms of 
about equal acceptability. One is thus : 



Mr, &» Mrs, George William Taft 
request the pleasure of 



company on Monday evening, 

January tenths at nine o'clock^ 

to meet 

The Hon, Kenneth Colby^ 
Minister to France* 

R, S, V.P. IS Oak Street. 



46 GOOD FORM, 

Another form of invitation has no blank space in 
which to write the name or names of expected guests, 
their address upon its envelope being regarded a 
sufficiently explicit mention of those bidden. It is 
engraved thus : 



Mr, Q^ Mrs, George William Taff 

request the pleasure of your company 

On Monday evenings January tenths at nine o* clocks 

to meet 

Mr, &» Mrs. Peter Howe Sinclair^ 

of Washington, 

R, S. V, P, 15 Oak Street, 



Slight variations of these forms, such as breaking 
the lines into shorter lengths, and sometimes adding 



CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS RECEPTIONS. 47 

the residence at the centre of the card, are about all 
the differences a prevailing taste permits in cards or 
notes of invitation to formal receptions that are given 
in honor of friends or distinguished persons. They are 
issued from ten to fifteen days in advance of the date 
upon them, and it is not a little humiliating to thor- 
ough-bred and punctilious persons that abbreviations, 
suggesting a reply to any formal invitation, should be 
necessary. It is hoped and expected that they may be 
safely dropped from cards before the termination of 
this century. Of course, a reply is returned at once. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDING CARDS. 

These are furnished by those who give the wed- 
dino-, and are sent out ia the name of the bride's 
parents, guardians, or nearest kindred. The hostess 
requests the groom to give her a list of the names and 
addresses of such friends or acquaintances as he 
desires to invite to the ceremony only, and another one 
of those whom he wishes to see at the wedding recep- 
tion, also ; and she attends to this formalitj', or hospi- 
tahty, in his stead. 

Invitations to marriages are issued about two w^eeks 
before the wedding, although three weeks are preferred 
in circles where there is a pressure of social engage- 
ments. 

If it is a house wedding there are usually two sets of 
invitations; — a note sheet for the marriage, which of 
course includes the reception, and another, a card for 
the reception. The following is the most approved 
formula for wedding invitations : 



48 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDING CARDS, 49 



Mr. dN Mrs, Franklin Hitt 

request your presence 
at the marriage of their daughter^ 

Grace Mary, 

to 

Mr, Joseph Henry Doi-r, 

Saturday mornings May tenths 
at twelve o'clock^ 

St. Agnes Churchy 



Tremont Avenue 6^ 3ij-^ Street. 



50 GOOD FORM, 

A parent does not mention a daughter with the pre- 
fix of Miss ; but if a guardian or other friend orders the 
invitations engraved, Miss cannot properly be omitted. 
A card of moderately large size with the following 
upon it is in good form : 



Reception 

from half-past twelve 
until three o'clock. 



38 Clark Street. 



Sometimes this card is engraved in three lines 
instead of four, but this can be neatly done only when 
the hours are not divided, the reception or the mar- 
riage always being on the half-hour, to allow sufficient 
intervening time for driving home. 



ETIQUETTE OF WEDDING CARDS, 51 

If the marriage is one that is likely to interest an 
uninvited public, a little card of admission to the 
church is a necessity, or a crowd of curious strangers 
might fill it to the exclusion of bidden guests. This 
card, also, is enclosed in the note of invitation and is 
presented to an usher at the church entrance. It is, 
also, given out to dependents and such other persons 
as are interested in the marriage. An approved form 
of admission card to a church wedding is thus en- 
graved : 



Please present this card at 

St. Agnes Churchy 

Saturday^ May tenth , 

at twelve o'clock. 



This card is much smaller in size than the reception 
card; but its lettering is the same script, without 
flourishes, and of small, but not very small size. 

When a marriage ceremony is to be private, the 
family and near kindred are bidden verbally, as wit- 
nesses. 

If a reception follows the ceremony, the invitation 
to the latter is thus arranged : 



52 GOOD FORM. 



Mr, 6^ Mrs, Kent Townsend 

request the pleasure of your company 
at the wedding reception of their daughter^ 

Elizabeth^ 

and 

Mr, James Monroe Porter^ 

Monday evenings December fifteeittht 
from half past eight to ten o\lock. 

202 Clover Aventce, 



ETIQUETTE FOR WEDDING CARDS, 53 

If there is no reception, or if there are many dis- 
tant friends and acquaintances who could not be 
expected to make the journey even for a large wed- 
ding, an engraved announcement of it upon a note- 
sheet is prepared beforehand, in readiness to forward 
by mail the day after the marriage. The following is 
good form for such an announcement : 



54 GOOD FORM, 



Mr, <Sn Mrs, Franklin Hitt^ 

annotmce the marriage of their daughter ^ 

Grace Mary^ 

to 

Mr. Joseph ITenry Dorr, 

Saturday mornings May tenths 
Tremont Avenue dr* '^ist Street, 



ETIQUETTE FOR WEDDING CARDS. 55 

A card or note of congratulation directed to those 
who announce a marriage, is de rigueur within ten 
days. An invitation to a wedding reception is ac- 
cepted or declined within five days, provided there is 
an interval of three weeks, and within three days, 
if the marriage is but two weeks from date of invita- 
tion. Of course an acceptance or declination includes 
also a congratulation, and it is always directed to 
those in whose name the invitation is sent, and never 
to the bride or groom, even though one or both are 
the only persons known to those who are bidden. 
Of course, a special note may be written to the bride 
or groom. 



DINNER CARDS OF INVITATION. 

Persons who give many ceremonious dinners some- 
times order cards of invitation with blanks left for the 
insertion by pen of the names of guests, and also dates 
of dinners. The day of the week is added by the 
engraver, provided the hosts, as is usual, have an espe- 
cial one for all their ordinary dinner-giving. If they 
are to give an especially formal entertainment in honor 
of strangers, the card is engraved for this occasion, and 
includes the names of those for whom it is given. A 
permanent card may be engraved in good form, thus : 



S6 



DINNER CARDS OF INVITATION. 57 



Mr, &» Mrs. Harold Falk Green 
request the pleasure of 



company at dinner on Thursday y 

• at seven d^clock^ 

II Gore Street. 



Those who have an especial veneration for persons 
of rank or high degree issue a note-sheet engraved 
thus : 



58 GOOD FORM, 



To meet 
PRESIDENT AND MRS. LINCOLN. 

Mr, 6^ Mrs. Hampto7i Gould 

request the honor 

of company 

at dinner^ 

on Monday y April fifth^ 

at eight o'clock. 

15 Spruce Street. 



DINNER CARDS OF INVITA TION. 59 

If another guest of less social distinction is in- 
cluded in the same honor, his name is engraved in 
smaller size on the line below, with a//^ placed in the 
middle of the page between the two lines. 

If it is a dinner in honor of a newly wedded pair or 
a friend who is of the same social grade as themselves, 
as most Americans reject distinctions, the names of 
the hosts are placed first, as in an invitation to a wed- 
ding or to a formal reception. 

Replies to dinner invitations are sent on the day of 
their arrival. Even the slightest known possibility 
of a future detention compels all well-bred persons to 
refuse at once, and thus permit a host to fill their 
places at table. 



CARDS FOR BALLS. 

Note-sheets are used for private balls, and the en- 
graved invitation is in the same form as for any even- 
ing party, except that its receiving hour is later, usually 
being 9:30 o'clock. Da?uing at eleven is engraved 
upon the lower left-hand comer, and the invitations 
are issued two weeks, at the very least, in advance of 
the ball. Such invitations are accepted or declined 
within three days of their arrival. 



60 



LUNCHEON IX^aTATIOXS. 

Those who often entertain at mid-day, have a card 
engraved for tins purpose. If it always is used for 
the same day of the week, the name of this day is 
also engraved, thus : 



Mrs, James Keene Piatt 

requests the pleasure of your company 

at luneheon, 

OH Friday, at half -past one (P dock, 

R, S. V. P, 4 Garden Street, 



6i 



62 GOOD FORM. 

A breakfast invitation is engraved in the same man- 
ner. Many, entertainers, finding this form of hospital- 
ity less interrupting to other occupations or interests, 
vary the hour from ten to twelve o^clock, according 
to the time of year and the reason for it. 

If either luncheon or breakfast is in honor of an 
especial guest, his name is engraved upon the card as 
for a reception, and fo meet precedes it. 

Breakfasts oftener include, or are given especially 
for men, than is the case with luncheons. At the latter, 
ladies only, as a rule, are present. 

Suppers are seldom, if ever, so formal as to require 
an engraved card, except when given in honor of scien- 
tists, in which case the card, or note-sheet, is 
engraved in a form similar to that of one for a cere- 
monious reception. 

For a golden or a silver wedding, it is considered in 
the best form to print the script in ink, as for other 
invitations ; but united monograms in gold or silver, 
as well as the two dates flanking them, in rather large, 
and perhaps ornamental numerals, are arranged across 
the top of the note-sheet. The engraving is thus for a 
golden wedding : 



GOLDEN WEDDING INVITATION 63 



184.0. 



Monogram* 



18^0. 



Mr. 6^ Mrs. Matthew Tyne Ford^ 



At Home 



Thursday^ May foy.rieenth^ 



from four until six, 



and from eight until ten o"* clock. 



64 GOOD FORM, 

For a silver wedding the hours are more indifferent 
to the possible weariness of age, and, as a rule the 
company is bidden to come at eight o'clock, and no 
concluding hour for the reception is mentioned. It is 
in good form to engrave No presents^ in the lower left 
corner of such cards. 

Responses with congratulations are sent at once. 



DIRECTING CARDS. 

One card or note is placed in the envelope that is 
directed, for example, to Mr, 6^ Mrs. Charles Henry 
Brown, If their eldest daughter has been in society 
not more than two seasons, her name may be written 
beneath that of her parents upon the envelope. If 
she has been out a longer time, or there is more than 
one daughter in society, a second envelope, enclosing 
a card, is addressed to Miss^ or The Misses Brown^ 
and both cards are enclosed in an outer envelope and 
directed to the father at his residence. The mother 
accepts or declines at once. It would be in bad form 
to send social notes to a man's office. 

Sons have separate cards addressed to their homes, 
or, if they have a club address engraved or written 
upon cards left upon those who direct invitations to 
them, of course a club is the place to which all their 
notes are sent. They reply for themselves at an early 
date. 

6s 



66 GOOD FORM. 

Exceptional occasions require exceptional cards, and 
for such there can be no fixed etiquette. Refined 
tastes and an intelligence of the best social usages 
may be trusted as guides to good form in such 
cases. 



.i'BRARY OF CONGRESS 



.0 020 211 359 A 



W§^ 






